August 19, 2026
Martial Arts & Road Rage: The Truth
A man is dead in Greenville, South Carolina today because he was shot by another man. Why? What caused it? Well, we say road-rage. That’s the technical definition. But we shouldn’t stop there and write that off. As a martial arts and self-defense school, this is, as it goes, right in our wheelhouse. So, to that we say, that a man is dead because another man had no code, no training, no discipline.
When a parent is looking for a karate or self-defense school for their kids, they usually aren’t thinking, “man…I‘d love for my child to fight in the Octagon someday.” What they want is good self-defense skill so that the local bully doesn’t ruin their child emotionally via terror and threats, or beat the bejabbers out of them and the self-control code that’s baked into the cake.
https://www.wyff4.com/article/deadly-road-rage-shooting-greenville-county/73473650
Over the 30 plus years of teaching self-defense in Greenville (I started in 1994…I know…that was a long time ago…dinosaurs have just died off around then) I’ve discovered that there are three types of terrible parenting.
First, there’s outright abuse. Physical, that is. It’s dreadful. It’s appalling.
Second, there’s emotional abuse and this is awful too. Emotionally abusive parents are those with a controlling and critical spirit. Children learn to survive, not thrive in such environments. The more bold become angry to match the anger. The timid retreat into themselves and their confidence is crushed before it ever gets a chance to grow.
The third is, abandonment. That can happen literally or, and more likely, it happens via permissiveness. This sets a child up for disaster. We used to say “the kid is spoiled rotten.” Such a child never learns emotional control. They become allergic to the word “no.”
In all, every child needs two things: unconditional love and loving discipline. Without both we have the above extremes. And children grow up terrified without love. True love, though, comes with relational discipline and boundaries. It’s not a critical spirit of perfectionism, nor “be your buddy” parenting. It’s the beautiful balance of true love.
The thing is, no one likes to hear the word no. That’s why parents are drawn to martial arts training for their kids. It’s always been that way and that’s why so many do and should seek out good instruction for themselves and family.
Real martial arts training brings forth the fruits of self-control. It teaches us, especially kids, what Hemingway would call grace under pressure; emotional control via honesty and discipline. It teaches us, and don’t miss this, code!
Every person has a code…that is, a transcendent value. A martial arts program teaches this. If it doesn’t, you’ve enrolled your child in a gang, not a martial arts school. When we bow we’re showing respect. That’s not another way of saying that we’re being polite, although that’s a part of it. No. It’s saying, “I have a code above me that I commit myself to and intend to live out.” In other words, when a martial arts school, whether karate, kung-fu, or anything else, teaches you to bow, it’s teaching you to commit yourself to self-control. The bow, therefore, is expressing accountability. You’re saying, “such is my standard and I expect to be accountable to it.”
This deep and precious truth has quickly become lost in our culture of narcissism and hedonism. If my “highest good” is myself, my happiness, my pleasure, I enter into an ethical framework that’s the opposite of love. It’s mutual usury. Please don’t think this is all abstract. To love, truly, requires commitment to honesty and self-control. It requires of us…not a feeling, a passion, a desire, but submission to a higher standard.
Okay, so where does anger and road rage come into this? Simple: when we get angry most of us were taught to simply “calm down.” Well, duh! That’s like telling someone who’s outside in a soaking rain to stay dry. It’s like telling a Cowboys fan to stop being delusional. (Half kidding there). We don’t drive out vices by subtraction. Discipline means focusing on the truth. It means that seek beauty, truth, and skill. It’s not “don’t, don’t, stop…” but, rather, a life of seeking the good, the true, and the beautiful. Thomas Aquinas called it magnanimity. He said it meant daring to pursue great things because you recognize and treasure the gifts God has given you, instead of burying your talents in the ground.
There are many martial arts schools today that hardly talk about things like code and respect. That’s a tragedy. They do that because they are, in fact, hardly better, or even worse, than the culture they’re claiming to teach you self-defense from in the first place. It’s a Kreese/Cobra Kai thing. The core issue of self-defense is morality. Thus, no honest self-defense teacher neglects code and respect because it’s the reduction and/or repudiation of these that causes conflict and violence in the first place.
We talk about anger all the time because self-defense situations aren’t like boxing or MMA. It isn’t competition between trained people. But at the same time, the training helps us control our anger. It teaches us that getting mad isn’t a sin, losing our self-control is. Don’t miss that distinction because it’s critical. A lot of us struggle with temper and when we get mad, because we haven’t been mentored/taught properly, shame at our reaction (it’s the same with fear, by the way) creates a spiral. A spiral of self-loathing that the rage tries to cover. Learning to box, martial arts training, etc., helps to teach us self-control under pressure. It teaches us to rely on training. It replaces, “just calm down” with focused skill.
With code.
It makes us aware of what’s really happening deep down and then there’s a decision to make. The question: which “good” will I pursue, my immediate gratification or the higher good? We can’t skip the question of code because it’s the source of the answer to that question. And all of us must answer it at some point. I once knew a martial artist who scoffed when another mentioned this. He shook his head dismally and said partly to himself, “you and that code.” Not surprisingly, he went on to be disowned by his organization. Why? Because he proved to be a liar and a cheat. It’s never a question of whether one will have a code. The question is which one. Will we commit to our own truth or the truth? Are we and our immediate gratification the highest good, or is the truth the highest good?
Telling people to bow in karate or martial art classes without explaining this is martial malpractice.
In all, getting mad isn’t the problem.
It’s actually a tool if we use it properly.
A tool for honesty and reflection because what we get mad at tells us about ourselves. It presents us with a decision. What will we choose? The truth or ourselves? The problem is the lack of honesty and discipline. Getting mad that someone cutting us off is normal but if we don’t have self-control training, and the road-rage incident is an extreme example, we can easily make matters worse. When we spar, therefore, and train, we learn to handle our emotions. We learn to stay objective under pressure. We learn that we don’t have to be victims of our emotions. We learn that getting mad makes us stupid. In our school at Greenville Academy of Martial Arts, we heartily try and talk young men out of going into combat sports. That’s a hard road to walk that rarely rewards the risks. But just the same, we recommend that everyone, especially young men, learn the discipline of martial arts and combat. The mind and body of code: self-control and respect along with great technical skill.